262019Mar
I Don’t Really Have Anything To Say

I Don’t Really Have Anything To Say

The title says it all. There is no set rule, but Melissa and I typically take turns writing blog posts each week to share with those of you who join in and read what we have to say. Today, you may be disappointed. Or not. I’m not sure. But one thing IS for sure, I am speaking from my heart because I am beginning this with no plans of making a preconceived point today.

Sometimes we are just full.

A couple of weeks ago, Melissa and I were eating with some very good friends of ours. In conversation, the topic of reading books came up. I expressed how I used to love reading. I read all the time. I looked forward to my next book. However, recently, I have not been reading at all. I’ve avoided it. This noticeable shift in behavior was disconcerting for me. However, one of our insightful friends was not at all concerned. She said, “Maybe you are just full, Neil”. Wow, she was right.

I spent a great deal of time for years engaged in learning all I could. I didn’t read fiction books. I was focused on books that helped me shape my ever-expanding perspective of things that were important to me. I didn’t leave any room for what one might call “pleasure reading”. I would have argued that what I was doing WAS pleasurable. However, it was also draining and gave little room for relaxation.

Even when we are full, there is always room for dessert.

I have thought a great deal about our friend’s simple, but profound assessment of my situation. One thing that has come to mind is this: even when I have eaten enough to be full, there’s always room for a little bit more. That “little bit more” doesn’t need to be something major. It doesn’t need to be taxing. It just needs to be something I can sit back and enjoy. Many people like a slice of cake, a brownie, a cookie, or something else sweet. It’s not about getting in the nutrients at that point. It’s simply about enjoying something. I think that’s where I am. I have filled myself with a lot of information. It’s a lot of work to sort it all out. I’ve put in a lot of work already, and it can overwhelming at times thinking about everything I’ve filled my head with. I need to allow myself to enjoy taking in some things in life that are not necessary, but enjoyable. I need some activities, or time spent with certain fun people, that simply makes me smile. I need to apply the idea of “taking a Sabbath”, and I’m not just talking about one day a week. Instead, I’m referring to a moment here, and moment there. An hour here, an hour there. God presents plenty of opportunities to rest in His Grace and Love and to experience it all with others. But, in order to notice these opportunities, I must look for them and embrace them.

When we’ve filled our bellies, it is time to digest what’s in there.

Of course, I cannot “eat, drink, and be merry” all the time. Well, I could, but that’s not the best avenue to take. With all that I’ve taken in over the last several years, it is high time that I allow myself to engage that material and work through it. How does it all fit into my life? How might it shape my perspective on myself, others, and God? Who might I have conversations with about these things that would allow me space to digest it all? Those are some important questions that might help me digest what I’ve filled myself up with so that I can move forward. Sitting around with a bloated stomach doesn’t exactly drive me to do anything, let alone move forward. It certainly does not bode well for writing blog posts! Yes, I’m full, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Instead, it might mean that I have a lot to talk about, think about, and to celebrate over some chocolate chip pancakes for dessert.

-Neil

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