232017Oct
New Mercies

New Mercies

I love lots of different types of music. So many emotions can be expressed through music.  I like listening to the words and trying to picture what the writer is painting with the lyrics.   Depending on where I’m at on life’s journey, I get different pictures from the same song at different times.  That happened recently when I was listening to “New Today” by Alli Rogers.

New shoes in the closet, box is on the floor

Dress is laid out nicely on the bed

A song is singing slowly

Across the street and through my door

And turning over memories in my head

Nothing feels new today

I’m just trying to catch the words before they float away

They’re singing

Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness

Great is thy faithfulness

Morning by morning, morning by morning, morning by morning

Walking up the church step, I stop to look around

People seem to stare just like they know

I’m wondering what Jesus thinks about me now

Still carrying a shame I can’t let go

I have heard this song and sung along while driving numerous times, but this time I stopped at that part. I restarted the song and listened again.  That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately; covered in a shame I can’t let go.  Going through each day feeling like it’s the same old, same old thing.  Others have it figured out but I sure don’t.  Others are happy.  I’m not.  I have shame written all over me and boy does it speak loudly when I take a look in the mirror.  I see shame, I blame myself, beat myself up, and try to “fix” it or “ignore” it (which is really impossible).  I repeat this cycle over and over.  And if I’m seeing this shame then so is everyone else, including God.  So I try even harder to “fix” it, “ignore” it or just “hide”.  I’m trying to manage my sin and shame.

Then she goes on to sing….

I feel like an imposter wearing someone else’s prize

And my heart’s about to beat out of my chest

Nothing feels new today

I’m just trying to catch the words before they float away

Don’t float away, keep singing

Could you sing some mercies over me?

I am affected when all I see is shame and my inability to manage it. My relationships are affected.  I’m miserable.  I avoid intimacy with those that love me and want to be with the raw, unedited me.  I hide. I avoid people. I overeat. I am irritable and snappy.  I am tired.  That describes me pretty well recently.

My husband tells me all the time how he sees me. I have such a hard time embracing that because it is the opposite of how I see me and how I think he really sees me.  I do the same with God.  When looking through the lens of shame, we only see what that shame tells us.  Everything else just floats away.

There is freedom in God’s grace. He sings mercies over us time and time again.  He’ll continue to sing them until we embrace them.  Then he’ll start singing them again.  That’s what gets me through.  Even when I don’t embrace His love and mercy because I’m looking at the world and the mirror through the lens of shame, He’s there singing them.  And He won’t give up.  I don’t have to fix it, ignore it, or hide it.  And when I do embrace it, the freedom allows me to embrace the newness I have because of Christ.

-Melissa

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